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The other day, I saw a guy with a tattoo on his back.  It was a tattoo of a naked woman leaning against a rock. It got me thinking, “how does one come to decide on a tattoo that is so pornographic?” I suppose it takes a special kind of thought process that I’m just not capable of.  But really, it spurred on a much more interesting question, “If Mur was given a tattoo gift certificate and had to choose a tattoo, what would he choose?”  I know he wouldn’t choose a naked girl for his back, it just doesn’t make sense.  Mur is a class act, a naked woman on his back isn’t a class act.  He would ponder it for a while because he wouldn’t want something he would regret once he becomes an old man.  A potato would cross his mind.  Simple, and timeless.  He’ll always like potatoes, they’ll always be a staple in North American cuisine, and on some level, the potato is the reason he is here…tracing back to the Irish potato famine from 1845-52.  But he would remember that he used to be “Mop” and the ex side kick of “Dabble” wouldn’t stand for such a plain tattoo.  What Mur would decide on is something bold, yet classy and meaningful, similar to what this guy decided on…

82 Julia Roberts Tattoos

Mur would not get 82 Julia Roberts tattoos, but he could surely find one he likes from this guy’s collection.

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Because I’m not in the presence of Mur, I don’t know what he will be doing for his incredibly tolerant wife on their 36th anniversary today.  As a result, I’m going to have to speculate about what Mur would do on his anniversary.

Dinner:  He would hum and ha about what would be a good romantic dinner to treat the mother to.  He would juggle his options:  Crabby Joe’s, Veky’s, The Anchor, and Fiege’s.  He would count Fiege’s out because it’s not open on Tuesdays nor does he care for the ambiance when it is open. He doesn’t care much for Veky’s due to the way the country decor doesn’t exactly fit with the modern. The Anchor isn’t fancy enough to make it a good candidate, and they go to Crabby Joe’s too often for it to seem like a treat.  This leaves only two options: McDonald’s, or breakfast for supper made by Mur.  In 1994, McDonald’s would have been the obvious choice because they had hockey cards.  Mur would order his standard Big Mac meal with Coke, and Mom would order a McChicken (remember it’s 1994, she would opt for a wrap or salad in 2011) with a white milk.  Mur would be upset with mom’s drink choice (and say “ahhh jeez…!) because in order to qualify for hockey cards, you had to order a pop of sorts.  So Mur would buy another Coke so he could get additional cards.  But it’s not 1994, so there are no cards, so McDonald’s is out.  That makes the last option the winner, breakfast for supper, which has recently been refered to by Mur as a gourmet dinner.  So for Dinner, Mur would make mom a gourmet dinner of bacon and eggs…a good start.

Entertainment:  If it were 1994, he would spend the remainder of the evening sorting his hockey cards… but it’s 2011, making this too easy…It’s Tuesday, Mur’s treating Mom to the movies, no snacks though, that defeats the purpose of cheap Tuesday.

Post Entertainment:  In 1994, Mur would have laid in bed with Mom, whispering the names of the players on the cards he just sorted.  In 2011, Mur’s the silver Fox… That being said, sometimes the silver gets the best of him and he has a lot of ‘lead handing’ to do in the morning.  It’s time for bed. 

Congrats on 36 years…You have 4 great accomplishments to show for it! (I don’t mean grand kids)

Stay posted for the actuality of the event, coming soon.

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It’s been a while since a post has been submitted from WWMD?, however, there are reasons for this.  Long and short, I moved to Halifax, and unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you’re looking at this) I no longer live with Mur, and thus am no longer in his presence daily.  I will attempt to continue posting as best I can but the content will involve less current events and more past adventures.

I got a phone call from mom, and after some chatting I asked what Mur was doing.  She told me to “guess” and I knew I was about to get fodder for a new post.  I knew I had a 50/50 chance of getting this one right.  I gave Mur the benefit of the doubt in the 50/50 and chose philatilating (or stamping to those who aren’t affected by a stamp collector).  I was wrong.  So I guessed again and was bang on!…

WWMD on a Wednesday night if not sorting stamps?  “He’s watching TV, sitting on the love seat but treating it like it’s a one seater couch and taking it up in its entirety.  He has his left leg crossed over his right and probably has his hand in his shirt (through his collar)”.   Boom!

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The other night Chilli was for supper.  I often like to go beyond the ordinary and add a little something to my food. In this particular case, I would say my condiments of choice were pretty standard.  However, when Mur saw me grate cheese, he asked to the room in general “What does Josh have?” I responded, “some cheese” His response was, “well, what for? it’s not french onion soup!”

WWMD if he saw someone using cheese as a condiment? He would think it is ok, as long as the cheese in question was being used for french onion soup.

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I was just sitting down watching tv, minding my own business when all of a sudden, I heard a commotion in the kitchen.  Mur was the only one in there, so it was pretty obvious he was about to provide fodder for WWMD.  He did.

He exclaimed “Mole! mole!” and spilled his coffee all over the floor. He then scurried (Mur, not the mole) around the counter in search of the mole.  I figured that Mur would need some assistance dealing with such a critter, so I went to help.  I figured I would allow the scene to play out momentarily before helping out.  Mur attempted to stomp on the poor little guy with his slipper not once but twice.  The first stomp just grazed the rodents noodle and the second one was a good 8 inches off, but I’ll tell you it was a mighty stomp.  I got a dust pan and as I tried to scoop it up Mur shouted “Kill it, kill it, it’ll bite you”.  Well, I didn’t kill it, and it didn’t come anywhere close to biting me, and I tossed it out the open door.  With a little luck, the mole will be back tomorrow and similar episode will occur (opportunity for a video blog?).

WWMD if there was a mole in the kitchen?  He would assume this is a mole of the viscous breed,  pour his coffee on the floor and direct two poorly executed stomps toward the mole. 

Not Mur's Ideal T-shirt

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Mur has a habit of making purchases without fully reading the label on the item.  This usually happens in grocery stores, however, it has the potential to happen in any circumstance.  An example comes from this Christmas holiday when he and mom were getting a dish set for my sister as a gift.  There were two sets of dishes that were the same colour but one set was round and one was slightly squared.  They wanted to get her the round ones as she requested. Mom picked up two boxes and put them in the cart, Mur picked up one box and put it in the cart.  When they got to the checkout they told the cashier they were all the same so she just scanned Mur’s box 3 times.  Once home, Mom took a glance at the receipt because she detected a pricing error.  The plates were overpriced because the square plates were more expensive than the round ones and in classic Mur style he didn’t read the label so put the wrong box in the cart.  When mom informed him of the mistake he said “Ahh Shit! shit, shit, shit” and then looked at the box and said “Ahh Shit! Shit!”  He then walked up the stairs and said “Ahh Shit” followed by “shit, shit, shit” etc., got his keys and walked back down the stairs as he excalimed “Ahh shit, shit, shit, shit” again.  While putting on his boots he said one “Ahh Shit!” per boot and then drove to Zellers to make the exchange and sort out the mistake.  I can only assume that at every turn and stop sign he said “Ahh shit!” and then got to Zellers and calmly explained and solved the situation politely without saying “Ahh Shit!”, “shit”, or any combination of the two once.

WWMD if he put the wrong plates in the cart and didn’t realize until he got home that he paid more than he intended to.

He would say “Ahh Shit!”  numerous times. And then exchange the plates easily without any hastle.

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Similar to NATO, Mur has been engaged in an unwinnable war for the better part of a decade.  American led NATO troops in Afghanistan have wrestled with Taliban and insurgent forces since 2001 with few significant examples of success to show for their efforts.  Comparably, Mur has grappled with the squirrels in the backyard since 1997.  1997 was the year Mur began an aggressive campaign to feed the neighbourhood birds.  This was also the year the local squirrels started stealing Mur’s birdseed directly from Mur’s birdfeeders.  Acting as his own source of intelligence, Mur continuously developed strategies and devises to prevent the squirrels from stealing his birdseed. However, with every strategy and device came a successful counter attack from the squirrels.  Needless to say, the back and forth battles with the relentless squirrels has left Mur tired and mentally drained.

 

This morning my oldest brother and I were looking out the window and spotted a squirrel sprawled out on one of Mur’s birdfeeders helping himself to Mur’s birdseed.  We quickly alerted Mur that we had a visual on an insurgent at the 10 o’clock position.  Mur scurried to the window and said, “Yeah, those damn squirrels can get up there some how.”  Concerned with Mur’s response, my brother and I promptly questioned Mur’s commitment to the squirrel campaign.  Mur responded to our concerns by saying, “Well, if I had a pelican I could take care of the squirrels in no time.” Thinking Mur knew something about pelican’s that we didn’t, my brother and I asked what a pelican would do?  Mur said, “No, a pelican!” Still confused we repeated, “A pelican?”  Mur again said, “No, a pelican.”  Then the light bulb went off.  “OHHH, a pellet gun!”

 

What would Mur do if he had a squirrel insurgence problem in his backyard?  He would create a number of devices to keep the squirrels off his birdfeeders with limited success.  He would then declare that a pelican would solve the squirrel problem… I mean a pellet gun.

 

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I decided to try my hand at pickling some eggs for the holidays.  My goal of the eggs was to make them as flavourful and spicy as I could.  I wouldn’t be satisfied with lightly pickled eggs.  I had a load of vegetables, spices, and spicy vegetables tossed into the pickling juice.  Unfortunately for Mur he’s not a fan of garlic, spices (besides salt, pepper and allspice) or things that are different.  When I decided to crack the jars open about 4 weeks after the start of the process to ensure they were servable, I asked Mur if he wanted to try one.

WWMD when offered a potentially hot and flavourful pickeld egg?

He would say “No! God, that’s a crap an hour!”

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It’s always nice to come home to visit regardless of the time of year; however, this year I am especially excited to be home because I know Mur will provide me with heaps of writing inspiration. So far I’ve been home for three days and I already have at least 15 solid Mur stories. To save you from “Mur overload” I’ll just provide y0u with a quick story to start.

The LC and I brought our cat Freddie home for the holidays so that he could hang out with the fam during the next two weeks.  You wouldn’t guess it, but Mur is actually obsessed with Freddie and loves having him around.  Upon Freddie’s arrival he spent the first several hours exploring the house.  We lost track of him after a while so the family sent out a search party to locate him and ensure he wasn’t wrecking the place.  Mur took the basement and gave us the play by play of his search. “He’s not under the stairs… he’s not under the Christmas tree… Whoomp! there he is.”

What would Mur say after he located a missing Freddie?  He wouldn’t say anything. He would; however, uninternally  replicate the 1993 Tag Team rap “Whoomp! (There it is)”.

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Highschool is a time to be an individual, to show personality, and overall just to be awesome. Mur took this as a challenge and did what he could to be an individual and he definitely was awesome.  His individuality lead to his long-standing nick name which he still is called today from time to time.  Not nearly often enough if you ask me!  You would never guess it now, but Mur once had the most luscious head of hair you’ve ever seen.  His hair was so lush it made Troy Polamalu’s do look mangy!

The Mop in all its glory!

WWMD to be an individual in highschool?  He would grow a head of hair that resembles a mop and would gain the appropriate nickname ‘Mop’!  If you see him, call him Mop, he will appreciate it.